Let’s Talk Toilet!

There are two types of people in the world: normal people who hang toilet paper in the “over” position, and sadists who hang it in the “under” position to make life miserable for themselves and whoever else uses their crapper. Just kidding. (No but really.)

First of all, you should know that there’s a documented correct way to place toilet paper onto the holder — which is in the “over” position. Seriously — the 1891 patent for the toilet paper roll literally states that the end of the roll should be hanging off the exterior, so there’s that.

And there are some serious personality differences between over-people and under-people, like the fact that under-people clearly enjoy the sight of their TP unspooling from the awkward and wrong direction. Enough on the history lesson.

This ought to give you a little chuckle and in-site as what to expect if you or someone you love goes through this.

You never think about the little stuff. Placement of toilet paper roll…how your arms only move so far now without shooting or pulling pain across your chest…or even just getting on or off the toilet! Cleaning your butt is very important…and at first seems like an impossible task! It will get easier, but you should retrain your brain!

First of all, I am right handed…right side had the node removed…and being a woman, you go front to back. That being said…I am having to wipe left handed! And my hand wants to go back to front. I am forever having to correct myself…and yes, it is a verbal cussing of myself! If ever I needed a bidet, it was needed the moment  I came home from the hospital!

Your bathroom also needs a stool that you are able to use as a table…everything needs to be in front of you…turning side to side is no fun! And there is nothing worse than having to ask for help. I mean, really, what person wants another in the bathroom either cleaning our butts or helping us get the stuff to clean our butt.

Yes, it’s an independent thing. Our needing to ask for help means we are no longer independent! Get over it! This is no time to be a hard-headed pain in the rear! Yes, I was that hard head, I learned my lesson! There is nothing worse than staying in the bathroom 10 times longer than needed trying to do something that has tears rolling down you face from frustration and pain, when someone who loves you could help you get in and out of there!

After a mastectomy, you need to give up some of your independence and let others help you for at least a week. It’s way better than you either hurting yourself or not getting as clean as you need to!

I also learned, those flushable wet wipes…so much easier to use that the dry toilet paper. My daughter went and got me some. A must have after a mastectomy…at least for a couple of weeks.

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