Stupid Words Not Meant To Hurt

I just read about a woman feeling so defeated by her husband’s words. She and husband were watching the bachelor and he made the comment that he “used” to like her boobs. She had a mastectomy and reconstruction but it did not go well. And that when they have been intimate he won’t look at her.

Hell, I miss mine! And so does my hubby. You two need to sit down and have a conversation about it. I can promise you, he did not mean to hurt you Your feeling or make you feel incomplete.

And another woman’s worst fear is that her husband won’t want her any longer after he sees her with a unicorn breast (I have never heard is said that way before…meaning she had one removed but immediate implant).

You have to talk with your husband, tell him your fear. You won’t know how he feels if you don’t ask him.

And another said her husband told her she wasn’t the same woman she was…he loved the old her.

Truth is, we are not the same as we were before. Some changes are for the better, and some not so good. Sit down and find out what is it about the old you, he liked so much and what he thinks they can do to get back what it is missing.

Then, there is the woman who broke down because her husband asked where her ankles went.

I know the feeling of loosing your ankles to treatment. Everyday, I have to take a water pill and Potassium because Tamoxifen makes me retain water. My hubby actually touched my ankle one day and said “squishy”. He didn’t mean it to be hurtful, but you know it hurt my feelings. And I told him it did.

Men if your apologies are followed by an excuse, they’re doing more damage than good. Your pride might be causing deep wounds in her heart and doubt in her mind. If you say things like, “I’m sorry IF your feelings got hurt,” or “I’m sorry BUT I was only trying to help.” What she hears is, “I’m NOT really sorry and YOU are just overreacting.” When you’ve hurt her, say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me and tell me what I can do to rebuild your trust.”

And last but not least, the man who told his wife she need to change her dress because her “jelly roll” was showing.

I was dumb struck with this one…”jelly roll”. Dude, you better be out there buying flowers, cards, taking her to dinner and possibly purchasing a new piece of jewery for her. And learn to tell her “I just dont find that dress flattering to her beautiful self.”

Weight is hard to remove from our bodies once we have been through treatment, on a blocker or inhibitor. Weight gain is one of the most distructive things to happen to our self esteem. Women take their weight issues harder than most things. It makes us depressed, and then gain gets higher.

Women, when something like this (breast cancer) happens, the first thing men do is have a pity party in their mind. “This can’t be happening.” There’s a feeling of helplessness that is unimaginable. Men are supposed to protect the family, and his wife has this life-sucking disease that he is unable to fight. There are countless times that he has prayed that this was happening to him instead. He thinks of my kids and knows they need their mother more than they need him.

So, I am going to defend these men (except the “Jelly Roll” guy). They don’t think about what they say or say what is on their mind in a way that would be constructive rather than distructive. The words escape their mouths and then learn the effect when they see the look on our faces. They don’t realize what they just said was hurtful until all is said and done. Most men don’t set out to hurt the feelings of their wife.

Men tend to be “fixers” and want to jump straight to solutions as soon as a problem pops up, but women don’t want (or need) to have men fix all her problemsf. Women want and need men to take the time to listen to her and connect with her. When men rush through that time to connect when she’s being vulnerable with you, it makes her feel unloved. There’s a time to talk solutions, but the first priority must always be simply being there for her and showing her you love her.

I think we need to try and understand our partners feelings. They have also lost part of the body from the woman they love. It’s about working through eachothers feelings together. Laugh, cry and most of all talk.

Men and women just need to communicate and ask for help when they need it.

Mastectomy is horrific, but I think it has potential to offer this place where a man and woman could really significantly grow in their relationship. Make sure your words reflect your love for her.

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