I just wanted to cry

There was a time when I wanted to just curl up in a little ball and cry. Cry for the loss of the breast that fed my children. Cry for how my life will be forever changed. I know that all these emotions were caused from the hormone blockers.

Breast cancer has had significant impact on my (and probably your) physical, psychological and emotional well-being. I knew my emotional well-being is just as important as my physical health. I knew that I needed some support during difficult times, especially when dealing with a serious illness. Having to face cancer is probably one of the most stressful situations I have ever had to face. There is no right or wrong way to cope. Only what is right for you. Give yourself plenty of time to adapt. Be patient and don’t expect too much too soon – have realistic expectations.

Challenges include adjusting to the illness; the stresses of medical treatment; emotional needs; depression, anxiety, relationship and caregiving strains; coping with pain, insomnia and other symptoms; and much more. We, the patients and their care-givers frequently require short-term and longer-term support to help them address these emotional difficulties.

It is not a sign of failure to ask for help or to feel unable to cope on your own. Once other people understand how you are feeling, they can give you more support.

I think I just jumped in and did what had to be done. I went back to work as soon as I could talk someone into driving me there. I never took anytime to adapt to my new self. Not feeling worthy because of the physical changes has got to be worst thing that runs through my mind at this point.

I have found my personal relationship in turmoil. I am tired all the time. Sometimes, I am very worried about my symptoms, treatment and mortality. These feelings can contribute to chronic stress, anxiety and depression.

I try and tell myself to “snap out of it”…most of the time, I just push the emotions aside and push forward. But sometimes, like tonight I close my eyes and pray God will wake me in the morning with a less heavy heart.

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