What Floats Around in My Head

I just read this on another breast cancer page and had to share it. This is what floats around in my head daily.

The breasts have gone, and so have the cancerous tumors , and you’re on medication for 5 maybe 10 years. Which causes such an imbalance in your system that some days you don’t know if you’re coming or going, you experience hot flashes, weight gain, sleepless nights, joint pain, muscle cramps, constipation, hair thinning, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. Then, they prescribe medication and/or vitamins, to help with the symptoms of the first medication.

And everyone celebrates you as a cancer survivor, and you are!!!

And everyone goes back to living their life again, and things go back to normal, but, not for you.

What is normal?, your normal was taken away just as the cancerous tumors were. You have to redefine your normal, you look in the mirror and expect to see your reflection, but what is reflected back is a shattered version of who you were.

Your new normal is constantly butting heads with self doubt. Self doubt has made its self, very comfortable at your table, it interrupts your life at the most inappropriate times. It shows up as you catch a glimpse of your reflexion from leaving the shower, and it question your femininity, and your womanhood, it’s show up when your out with friends, just to let you know, your different. It show up with every new ache or pain that you feel.

It show up every time there another announcement of somebody fighting cancer, again.

The reality of it all, is cancer invades not only the body, but the mind too.

And it’s a daily battle, trying to keep self doubt at bay, knowing that you were one of the lucky ones, you survived when others didn’t. Self doubt makes you feel guilty for the thoughts it put in your head, in the first place.

The cancerous tumors were removed with surgical surgery within hours.

The emotional tumors will take much longer, they will be removed with time, faith, strength, courage, family, friends and loving support.

Everyday I remind myself I’m a warrior!!!!!

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