Cancer has but one purpose, to overcome and destroy the host, no matter who that host is – and many times, it does eventually succeed. It does not care whether you are rich or poor, male or female, (men can get breast cancer, too) or that you’re black, white, green or yellow.
There is so much crap that goes along with cancer that people who have not been there, do not understand…cancer is cancer, and it’s stupid, ugly, nasty and crappy.
Cancer will forever be a part of my life. Just simple checkups will put worry in my head and fear in my heart because cancer shows no respect. No matter what type we have, it’s important that we share each other’s story and help each other through this unforgiving disease.
So, I blog. It helps me to release my pent up worries and I pray that my writings will help others. It’s always gonna be there because cancer shows no respect. Cancer doesn’t care that has caused me to have Osteoporosis and Hypothyroidism and chronic fatigue and insomnia. And last, but not least, Neuropathy!
Cancer doesn’t care that my irritable bowel balks at the prescription drugs. Or that I am irritated most of the time due to lack of sleep and pain from scars left behind by the surgeries, and my pain is magnified by nerve damage. Stupid, Ugly, Nasty, Crappy Cancer.
This is how I feel today!
This is not a pity party. I’m just keeping it real. I’m not just dealing with one disease here and so I’m fighting in a war as a soldier I didn’t ask to be a part of. Pain is exhausting. I’m exhausted because I don’t sleep. I think I spent too much time moving my arm around yesterday. First on my hands and knees scrubbing floor. Then up over my head, cleaning out kitchen cabinets. But I’m reclining on my couch and looking for humor…and of course some sarcasm to get through this day.
A nurse told me that as the years go by it becomes a more distant memory. Really? I hope I NEVER forget this cancer. It’s been difficult, painful, stressful and exhausting. It has changed me…and not just my physical appearance! It has changed my outlook on life. It’s changed the way I pray. I want to be thankful every day that I am actually alive and breathing…for others who’ve lost this battle with cancer.
I’m told I’m ‘lucky’ that we caught it early and that I’m ‘lucky’ I’ll be well enough to enjoy the holidays. Lucky? Really? There’s no luck in cancer. It doesn’t respect people. I’m not lucky at all. I got cancer and lost my boobies. And I’ll spend the next 5 years taking a hormone blocker and seeing an oncologist.
However, I am blessed! I’m glad that they found those three little sneaky creepers and it was in its earlier stages. I am blessed that I had a team of Christians (Dr Beall, Dr Saar and Dr Gregory) caring for me. I’m blessed that I have a faithful and helping hubby who loves ME and not my boobs. I’m blessed that my strength, hope and courage were poured about my head by my Savior. I am not lucky, but I’m blessed because I know that Tomorrow is going to be better and the day after that will be even better.
I’m not letting cancer kick my butt, but my FOOBIES hurt!
The pain I’ve been feeling cannot compare to the joy that’s coming!