The Prize Machine

Why is it when you want to sleep cause your ass is dragging, that your mind will just not shut off?

Do you remember as a kid staring at the machines full of prizes? The ones in all WalMart by the entrance doors or in the drug store next to check out, and over by the pinball machines at the putt putt golf. One quarter was all you needed for a prize. You would stare at all those goodies on display. You knew exactly the one you wanted. You placed that shiny quarter someone gave you, or maybe you’d even worked hard to earn, and you turned the dial full of anticipation, hope and wonder. You opened the silver door at the bottom of the machine and used your two fingers to snag your mystery gift. Someone else usually had to help you open that crazy round container before you could finally be completely disappointed in what you received. Within a few minutes, that sought after and highly anticipated prize was lost or placed to the side no longer of any value to you anymore.

Why did I visualize this scenario as I lay in bed trying to go to sleep? Was it because one of my side effects had me anticipating a better week than I ended up having? Was it telling me not to waste my money on things that truly aren’t needed? Was it preparing me to be grateful for the gift I had received? Was it showing me I don’t always get what I want? Was it proving that even though it was my money, and I did the work to turn the dial, I still am not in control of the outcome? Was it trying to show me some investments aren’t worth the risk? Was it showing me no matter how much I did by myself I still might need help? Or maybe I was just recalling a childhood memory that has no meaning at all.

I really think this is all the result of too many sleepless nights due to Tamoxifen induced insomnia!

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